Definitely NOT Me

If you're one of my three blog followers (okay...19, but who's counting?), then you know I do NOT keep you waiting for weeks at a time (and certainly not months) to finally post something. I mean, I have such a dull, uneventful life that I most assuredly have nothing better to do than sit at the computer all day every day and churn out some of the best, most creative, photo-filled blog posts ever to grace the internets. Right??!!

Besides, I would have died first before I neglected to tell you about the time that my sweet, innocent daughter (back when she was just over 3 years old) did NOT stuff a toilet chock-full of toilet paper, flush, and then leave it to overflow for two hours, while the bathroom, three bedrooms, and a hallway became literally flooded (and her parents slept soundly). A professional emergency clean-up crew was NOT called in (on a Saturday morning) to rip out ALL the carpeting, some insulation under the house, and the baseboards in the bathroom and set out huge fans to air it all out. We did NOT then endure an entire month (or was it two??) to get the insurance assessor over here, get the insurance money, shop for new carpet (ugh...how I detest the stuff), paint the bedrooms (might as well do it while the floors are bare), and then get the carpet laid.

And then...oh, my...THEN...my 7-year old son would NEVER have dropped a tiny plastic bathroom cup in the VERY SAME TOILET about a month ago RIGHT at the very moment he was flushing. Because that would just be CRAZY!!!! And the cup would NEVER have become 100% lodged inside said toilet so that NOTHING could get past it. (Oh. My unhandy husband just may become handy after all.)

This pic is NOT proof.

I also NEVER take random videos of my baby, while letting the rest of the children run around like wild (hoopin' and hollerin') animals. For REAL. My home is the calmest, most peaceful house on the block! You KNOW it's true.

Oh!!!! We ALSO have NOT had a single moment's trouble with our family car. It has run perfectly, in case you were wondering. I mean, we would NEVER have driven and driven it with a very old, very bad battery. Our battery may as well have been brand spankin' new, 'cause our kids NEVER leave the lights on all night long and we have NOT had to (quite regularly) get out the jumper cables. Anyway, our engine was NOT shutting down for no apparent reason at stoplights during heavy traffic. And I was NOT freaking out! I am all manner of calm and collected when my vehicle is threatening to break down with me and my four little ones aboard. So...it was definitely NOT me. In case you thought it was. And it didn't cost us over a hundred smackeroos to determine that our car runs just fine...so long as it has a decent battery inside. And while we're on the topic of our PERFECT car, we are NOT currently driving it while the hatch, which broke this winter (and was replaced), is being held together with good ol' duct tape. That's WAY too redneck for us. We Davidsons always have things promptly repaired by professionals IF (and that's a big IF, mind you) they break.

I was also NOT speaking to a friend recently about first (baby) haircuts when I realized that my poor firstborn is STILL bearing (wearing?!?) the brunt of my seemingly unhealthy emotional attachment to his hair. That did NOT happen, because it is NOT true. Certainly, I would NEVER have let my long-awaited, much-anticipated first baby boy grow hair THIS long.

Cute kid. Mullet? NOT so much.

And I would NEVER have allowed it to get THIS scraggly.

Or........five and a half years later.......THIS scraggly.

There is NOT a pattern of behavior on my part here.

NEVER!

But with or without haircuts, my family did NOT recently stay in this one-room cabin for three consecutive nights and love it. (Well, most of it.)

And because we did NOT have a bit of fun playing "Little House," I am NOT ready to sell our large home and try something more one-roomish, preferably with one toy per child and about 30 acres of land to roam! I am NOT desperate enough to consider homes like THIS...

or THIS

just to find some sanity.

And while I've been telling you about all the things I have NOT done, I have NOT been munching on cereal straight from the box and dreaming of all the things I love with peanut butter. That might mean I have a problem with food or something, and that just can NOT be true! My feelings about food are totally under control, just like everything else in my life!

The "Not Me! Monday" blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.