by Mercy Me
I’m gonna wrap my arms around my daddy’s neck
And tell him that I’ve missed him.
And tell him all about the man that I became
And hope that it pleased him
There’s so much I want to say
There’s so much I want you to know
When I finally make it home
When I finally make it home
Then I’ll gaze upon the throne of the King
Frozen in my steps
And all the questions that I swore I would ask
Words just won’t come yet
So amazed at what I’ve seen
So much more than this old mind can hold
And the sweetest sound my ears have yet to hear
Voices of the angels
I never actually explained exactly what happened, did I? There actually aren't a whole lot of details, because even though she had cancer (lung and lymph node), she was doing quite well on her treatment plan. Even with the really tough chemo--she just kept bouncing back. Wednesday morning (April 8) she drove herself to a doctor's appointment where she had plans to meet up with her husband (aka Poppy) on his way home from his latest trip out (he's a railroader, by the way). While in the doctor's office, she started coughing. We were told that she began coughing up blood (which has happened before), but that it was a LOT. They rushed her to the ER, but it was too late. She had lost too much blood. They think she burst an artery. It all happened so fast. NOBODY was prepared for such a shock. (I just wanted to get that cleared up because I didn't want to leave the impression that she had lived with cancer for many, many years and had withered away to nothing, because God, in His mercy, didn't let it come to that for her.)
Though her wishes were for me to sing at her memorial service, and I was somehow able to get through THAT, I would have loved to have been able to speak, too. I knew I was in no shape to do such a thing, so I didn't attempt it, but I DID write something during our planning craziness--something to help ground me. So, this is what I would have said...
I had the best mother-in-law in the whole world. She genuinely cared what I thought, she always made me feel at home, she treated me like her own daughter, she encouraged me as a mother, she prayed for me and my little family, she made an effort to come visit us at our house, she was our babysitter countless, countless times, she knew the little quirky details about my personality (and liked me anyway), she inquired about my friends and family, she considered my likes and dislikes, she loved her grandchildren so much that they were like her medicine when they were near.
Holding Grandchild #5
I actually think I may be starting to grieve all over again. I feel it creeping up on me, as Mother's Day approaches. I know Paul and Wendy feel it so much more, but I--being the resident shopper of all things gift-related--am hating the fact that I don't have a Mother's Day gift for HER. In fact, the last time I was in Conway with her she told me that all she wanted from then on (and for any occasion) was pictures. I so wish I could give her what she wanted.