Monday, May 11, 2009

Well, I Never!

Today you will definitely NOT find me participating in MckMama's Not Me! Monday. Because that would be much too fun, and I am NOT about having fun, NO ma'am. I am all about sitting around the house, twiddling my thumbs, and staring at the walls...and NOT the computer screen where I'd get to read lots of hilarious things people did NOT do.


Well, I can promise you right now--I have NOT ignored the weird smell coming from my washer, even though thoughts of mold, mildew, and dead animal?? are plaguing me. (Seriously, what IS that smell? Besides awful, I mean.)

I did NOT take off Gabriel's diaper to change it, realize I didn't have any clean diapers to put on him because they were all in the dryer, put him down, walk off to retrieve a diaper, and then THIRTY minutes later notice my child's bare bottom running through the house. You know. 'Cause I would certainly NEVER EVER be so distracted by a million other things going on that I would EVER be so forgetful as to not diaper my baby. Puh-leeeeze!

And when my sweet little Atticus hadn't...

...shall we say..."made a diaper" for several days, I did NOT decide that the Johnny Jump-Up would be the perfect activity for him.

And then when he proceeded to have a "blow-out" (because, you know how it goes...UP and OUT!) I had NO trouble whatsoever; instead, I handled it all with such grace and ease. I mean, I certainly WASN'T holding him over one arm while stripping him with the other hand...and making an even bigger mess. And after his bath (yes, a bath was required) when I realized that I got "smudged" right on the front of my shirt, I did NOT knowingly continue to wear the "christened" (though well-camouflaged) shirt. And most assuredly NOT to Saylor's ballet rehearsal.

I would NEVER do something so crass and disgusting! I am NOTHING if not the picture of cleanliness and politeness...which reminds me...

Back in the day when I was a pretty young thing (that's "PYT" for all you M.J. fans out there), oh around 12 or 13 I'd say, I would absolutely NEVER be drawn into burping contests with a couple of high school guys who used to hang out at my parents' house. I didn't learn a THING about how to burp as loud and long as humanly possible, and I most certainly NEVER won those burping contests against those two guys!!! How rude! (Oh, Chuck Doo, how I miss you. Ha!)

And one more thing: I have NOT allowed spilled milk (and some other mystery ingredient) in my fridge to remain there for goodness knows HOW long and get all crusty and cause jars and things to fuse themselves to the glass shelves. I ALWAYS keep my fridge perfectly spotless and full of only the freshest foods. That's just the way I am.


  1. oh my goodness that was too funny. I think I could have 'not me'ed' the exact same things at one time or another.
    And yes, it did show up in my reader :)

  2. LOL!!! You are a true mom!!!

    Love it!

  3. Hey Lori! Thanks for the fun comments you left on my blog. What a fun way to have connected! This post is hilarious. I might need to do one of these one day. Also, your kids are beautiful! And so is your home!

  4. Atticus is so cute!! i love those pictures!!

  5. Well, sister dear...I am so glad that you are the epitome of grace and decorum. I mean, honestly, we have a Carpenter family name to uphold, and even though you have changed yours to Davidson and I have not because I am so loyal to this great name (ha!), you still have strong ties to this family:) Keep up the good work!
    ha ha..this was absolutely hilarious!! Oh, thought you'd like to know: I DID NOT go to work with a pair of my maternity panties clinging to my clothing...the OUTSIDE of my clothing. ON MY DUTY DAY-- DAY OF GETTING INNOCENT CHILDREN OUT OF THEIR PARENTS CARS WITH MATERNITY UNDERWEAR STUCK TO MY CLOTHING BECAUSE I "HAVE" PACKED UP MY MATERNITY CLOTHES SINCE IT HAS BEEN 19 MONTHS SINCE I WAS PREGNANT. Yeah...I don't do these things either:) Love you and all the craziness...:)~Erin

  6. You're so gross. I don't even know who you are anymore. :)


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